W

 [.... a playful moment...]

This morning I Was Wondering about W.......
 it seemed that a large number of important Words start With W!   
Woman for one! (..... doesn't get much more important in my World!).
.... and Wank...... such an important and rewarding activity..... 

and Waffle.... We Waste so much of our time With that....

....but With! 

.....it can mean connectedness, not alone.
We can be With someone..... We can Work With something
..... What a magnificent Word
..... in its absence We Would all be alone.
.... an island in a sea of Woe. 

...and it's Wise! .... it sits at the end of the alphabet
and Watches all the other letters
..... and then W must talk to the other letters.
... cos they Work together ...... they cooperate.....

We do that too! Perhaps We Watch W in action
.... and We Weave his magic into our Ways? 

....but he can be Wilfully Wrong.
.... and in the same Way,
We can Wander aWay from caring compassion
When We try to Wack people into our own Way. .

... so.... Watch.... Wuv Wunanuver.
.... have a Wunerful day! 

© Ian Croft January 2019

The monster

I live with a monster......   No! Not that one!
The Monster that I'm thinking of
is one that changes form
so that he's never quite the same.

Sometimes he looks like a blanket
that is incredibly heavy
and I just can't get out from under.....
Other times he's like a grey mist
that clings to my face and
no matter how I try to brush him off
he just flows back..... like quicksand.....
he sucks me down....

And the Monster can pretend to be
things that I ache for.....
I long for a tender touch..... "You bewdy!"  says he
"I'll take that shape for a while."
and so he becomes the very thing
that I long for..... and he sinks his claws
Into my mind.

And so I want that monster as much as
I hate that monster.

The Monster has been my companion for such a long time.

© Ian Croft January 2019

Digging

I'm digging a hole....
A very deep hole . 
It's a hole into the hurts of my past.
I've been digging for a long time and the hole is deep and wide.
As I've been digging I've found many bits of junk
that I really don't want.
I've thrown them out of the hole and I don't want to see them again!
But as I found this junk, I understood how the bad bits were important to making the whole.

As well as the junk, I have often found treasures in the hole....
and these have been carefully cleaned, polished and studied. 
These treasures will be kept within easy reach
so that I can look at them often.
And I'll show the treasures to other people who are digging their own holes.
.... and we can share the stories.

Sometimes my digging has been done with a shovel.... slow and meticulous. 
At other times I've borrowed an excavator.... and the digging has been quick with amazing results. 
But at other times I've dug with a teaspoon..... it's been agonizing and hard.
But through it all I've kept on digging. Don't stop digging!

Where will this all finish?  How deep will the hole be?
I don't know.  I guess it might be that one day I stand back and say
"That's enough!" .... there might be an end to the stuff that I'm digging.....
or the hole might have become something of value in itself.....
or the hole might have become a lesson for other diggers....
But for now I'll keep digging.

It might end up that I've dug a foundation for some new structure.....
or I might use the hole to bury something that deserves to be hidden....
Regardless of what the hole was..... or what the hole is.....
or what the hole will become....
Just KEEP ON DIGGING.

© Ian Croft January 2019

Hold on

Hold on to the memory
Hold on to the trust

Hold on to the memory
You know.... you know.... you know you must

Hold..... to the memory
Hold... hold.... hold..... to the memory


When you're down
An oh so lonesome
Feelin like you been kicked ... kicked in the guts
When there's just.... no.... way
For.... your..... heart to breathe

Then you gotta hold.....
..... hold onto the memory
Then you gotta hold.....
..... hold onto the trust

It'll give you faith..... to carry on
Cos carry on you must
It'll give you hope..... to carry on
Cos carry on you must

Yes you gotta hold......
..... hold onto the memory
Yes you gotta hold.....
..... hold onto the trust

© Ian Croft January 2019

Back to Bali

When the road down the mountainside becomes too rough

When it all gets a bit hard to take

How can we go back?

Should we go back?

Back up the mountain to the peak ....

Look out once again

over the distant past 

Think about the future

Isn't it wonderful that there is a future!  

For so long, the future has been a grey cloud ....

A cloud that I hoped would end soon. 

Now the cloud has lifted and the future

is a distant shining vista.

.... and while I'm on the mountain peak

I'll remember the place where each of us 

cast away those things that did not serve us...

... and I'll remember the story that I cast away.

How the words of the story have dissolved into the ocean....

So perhaps it is wrong to think of the road being "down" the mountain?

Perhaps a better way to think of the way forward ....

... is that it is  a flight!

The way to the future is by taking wing .... Flying 

Leave the rough patches where they lie .....on the roadway below

While we fly above

The air beneath our wings is the care and concern that we have for each other ......

Lift me up my brothers!

© Ian Croft January 2019

Depression

(Mindfulness.... acknowledge my depression as a constant companion..... don't let it control)

My mate sits on my shoulder
and I was not very much older
Than him when he first hitched a ride

He's been with me all that time

At first he gripped with very sharp claws
and the longer he held the deeper they bit
Till it seemed like he was me
and I was his pain

As time flowed on and life's stabbing blows
were absorbed into my mind
so my mate chortled with glee
"I've got you" says he
You can't get away

It felt never-ending, that ghastly ride.
His laughter drowned out
all the words of those who would help
He dragged me down.... and killed my hope

Long years passed
and the repeated words of hope

from those who would help
gradually sank into my mind

The words that seemed best
are the words that show
that this dreadful mate
is not me! 

He is not me.... that ghastly vulture
sitting on my shoulder.... is not me

I can accept that he is there
but he does not own me.....

He does not control my life
nor control my mind
Poor thing..... he needs help too
Help to calm his pain
till he can find that he is mine

He does not own me. 

© Ian Croft January 2019

The pits

It's a rotten thing when you come down off the high
When the zing of feeling that all is good
Wears off..... and "reality" hits again

I was riding oh so high
Now it feels so hard to move

The depths of now are as far down
As the high was high

The winter of the low is so hard to take
After the sunshine of the high

© Ian Croft January 2019