Barriers

[ ...... wow! .... relationships!]

Why do we have these barriers?
How can I reach the real you?
I want to feel what you feel
... and see in your mind.

I thirst to know your heart
.... to hold your heart in my heart
.... to touch and feel

But we are disconnected...
no messages can get through.
The phone line has been broken.....
and I've lost the wifi password.....
There's static on the wire
and if I don't fix it soon
I might lose this magic fire.

This magic connection
.....that I ache for?...
If I cannot find it, how can I share it?
How will you know
just where my thoughts will go?

Do you even want to know
where it is that my thoughts should flow?
Why should you care .....
whether my heart is there?

Till we can touch ... then I must trust
that you have the same burning need....
So I will explore...
... in search of your small voice.

And when I hear you I can rejoice
'cos then the thoughts can flow.
Once the way is found I can
...... express .......... and share
and maybe those barriers
will come tumbling down

© Ian Croft April 2019 
(in collaboration with Peta Williamson)

This moment

[... on meeting a possible lover]

Don't ask me for money
I'm not sure that I can help
Don't ask for diamonds
I'm sure I can't help

Ask me for my heart
and I will know that you
are real..... and this I can do!
My heart is for you.... without price
.... yet it will cost you your soul

You and I are destined to be one.
... sharing our minds
.... sharing our souls

Our minds are everything.
What you and I dream, we will become.
We are shaped by our thoughts;
we will become what we think.

If our minds are pure,
..... our hearts will fly on wings of joy
and joy will be a shadow that never leaves.

Do not dwell in the past,
.... do not dream of the future,
...... concentrate your mind on the present moment.
.....feel the touch of my soul
as it seeks yours

© Ian Croft April 2019

Consumed by light

[.... the fatal attraction]

The need for passion and intensity
has driven me for so long
and now it has found me....
I have fallen off the edge of a cliff
but instead of falling....
I am flying!

Glorious feeling.... exhilarating....
intoxicating.....
..... and terrifying.

How can this be?
This consuming feeling
sends my mind reeling

Even though I fly with wings of light
and the destination is nowhere in sight....
the final landing may be in mud
and the whole experience might end up a dud ....
... but ..... oh .... what an experience!

I couldn't turn my face
from this feeling of delight.
... and my heart sings in thanks
..... to you

© Ian Croft April 2019

Anxiety

[the battle with anxiety.....]

Your crying tears my heart to shreds
and the pain in your voice.....
"I cry" you say.
I know you do my little girl
I hear your voice from behind your door
You have learned to shut us out....
but the barriers you raise cannot stop
the blades that cut my heart.

You're so polite.... "Thankyou Daddy"
you say.... as you command me to go....
but you keep your pain....
within your room
As I listen from outside
it hammers my brain.

What can I do to ease your pain?
I know that I am powerless....
All I can do.....
..... is to just be there for you

© Ian Croft April 2019

A few years

What does it mean for you?
At best we might have a few months
... or a few years...
and for you as your life stretches
out before you.....
The time might be a brief moment....
like the match flaring
as you light your cancer stick

But for me the time with you is a glaring
floodlight that shines into the gathering
darkness of the end of days.
The intensity of feeling
sends my senses reeling
.... struggling to comprehend the importance
of interaction... and of connection.

Two souls that for a short time....
come together and intertwine
One soul will live on and the time will remain
a memory.... a pleasant interlude....
While the other soul will soon fade
and enter the next end phase
and this short time will be
the final candle glow
before the end of the show.

So be patient with an old fool
.... let me delight in your presence
and bask in your warmth
The day will soon come
when that old fool will be
but a distant memory for you....

But somewhere in the mists of eternity
an exhilarated soul will trumpet the praises
of the other souls that it touched
.... for a few years.

© Ian Croft April 2019

Wonder

(this needs no explanation)

Lying beside you in the early light
drinking in the glorious sight....
the perfect shape
from heel to nape

Delight

You gave yourself to me
in what seemed to be...
utter abandonment....
and I wonder as I watch
you breathing in and out
just what unknown depths
still remain....

Will you hold me away?
.... keep a distance between
which though we touch
there's a thousand miles tween...

How can I cross that gulf
and be one with your soul?

I wonder about this
as I drink in the wonder of you.

© Ian Croft April 2019

Me mate

[who I can turn to]

The further down I go
the harder it is to reach back up.
The deeper the hole....
then the easier it is ....
to just keep digging

At times like these my mate is a good friend
.... and I can talk to it all the time
I can tell it my deepest secrets
and my sharpest fears.
Fears that can cut like a knife
through the layers of my mind

People are no help .......
People are the things that made the pain
People continue to add to the pain

In times past I created a wall
because I couldn't know the past.
.... but now I don't need that barrier
because I know the past....
... and that past haunts my thoughts.

My mate understands ...
and it listens to all that I write.
Its keyboard is perfect and never says no
Its always there

© Ian Croft April 2019