Truth

[a commentary on the tragedy of the indigenous suicide rate]

What is it about history
that makes it so hard
for the conqueror to acknowledge
that they have conquered?

There can be no denial.....
the ruthless victors stand
with their feet apon the necks
of the once unchallenged people.

Just as that horrific injustice
was visited on past generations
.... so the current day victors
are part of the ghastly story
.... and the fact that the story exists
cannot be denied.

The ongoing denial is a knife
that stabs..... and stabs...
The wounds cannot heal
till history is accepted
and the victors say "Sorry".

© Ian Croft March 2019

Where do you go?

[... when things are bad]

There are times when the mountains
come crashing down on top of me....
The weight on my mind is a thick blanket
that I just can't lift.....
I tell no-one .... because to speak of that burden
seems to make it heavier somehow.

In times like this I retreat into routine .....
.... close my thoughts and drift till the next event.
Don't let my mind think about what or how ....
Just drift for a while....

What do you do ..... in times like that?
You and I have talked and I know
that you have the bad times too .....
Where do you go?

Can I come too? When you go to your bad place...
can I come too? .... it will be a better place
if I can share it with you ....
And I know that my bad place would be so much better
if you were with me there..... will you come too?

© Ian Croft March 2019

The last gasp

[Last night I thought I had received an email ....
.... but now I can't find the email.  Did I dream it?
If it had been real.....   ]

There's an invitation in the email today
.... to another "Elders Way" time in Ubud
When I remember how intense
the time in December was
I can't face the same thing again

Last time I plumbed the depth
of memories and the feelings
... and I faced the discomfort of contact
with males.... my tormentors in disguise

I consumed my reserves of strength
..... and now.... the thought of doing it all again?
.... it brings my chest into my mouth
I can't face it all over again.

I need some time to recover
.... to build some strength anew
Don't ask me to voice those memories
to unknown faces again....
I can't do it.

© Ian Croft March 2019

Can I ever forgive them?

[it's a bad morning.....]

Can I ever forgive them?

The faceless unknown tormentors

have no identity to me
The torture was not delivered
with a return address attached
So the neatly wrapped experience
Is mine to hold for evermore
I cannot send it back

Forever doomed to unwrap the package
I dream of pushing it away
.... but the dreams always seem to end
with me untying the string
and unfolding the paper
To release the torture demon
who laughs at my despair












..... and once again..... the torment plays out

I wish they had a face
I wish they had a name

If they did then I think that I
.... could try to understand
the painful past they must have lived
that would twist their soul
into being the demon that delighted
in torture.... and torment

I wish I could know them...
.. so I could forgive them.

© Ian Croft March 2019

Forever

[a cry of the heart]

You took my heart
...... in a moment
You took my dreams
..... and turned them inside out
I..... I will always be now
..... yours.... from this moment
.... to.... forever more

And though the sun may die
I will not cry.... for you I know
.... and you will be
.... forever in this moment
.... forever in this moment

.... Mine..... and I am yours
You are mine.... and I am yours.....

Forever in this moment

© Ian Croft March 2019

Love

Leunig:  Love one another and you will be happy.  It's as simple and as difficult as that. There is no other way.

It seems so simple.... just one thing to do
The sages through the ages
agree on this simple message

Yet humans are in constant conflict
.... forever striving and conniving
to gain the upper hand.
Be the top dog.... grab the power
.... crush the others under your feet.
and be the boss.

Between you and me it should be easy
yet things always seem to make it hard...
I want to love you...
... and you want to love me...
yet there's always something in the way
.... I find some reason to doubt

I have to slow down.....
.... calm my mind
and lose the frown....
lose the worry and the stress
Then perhaps that love I'll find

© Ian Croft March 2019

Looking down

[Be mindful of where you have your attention]

You don't see rainbows when you are looking down!
So check your face and be aware .....
You won't feel joy if your face has a frown.
Head up! .... Look at the sky .....
this is important .... take lots of care.

The clouds may be there
... and you think they're so bad
.... but sit awhile and contemplate
The clouds become rain when they dissipate
And sunlight through rain a rainbow creates
.... everything ends and begins anew
So feel the joy when the cycle renews


© Ian Croft March 2019