Close to my heart

Some words are so precious.....

I hold them in my heart and I often

hear them again.

Each time I hear those words

the pleasures explode anew in my mind

and it feels as though time

has rewound..... and I can feel you close again.

Some words are not precious.....

and they bring back pain

When I hear those words in my memory

it feels like winter.... with freezing cold and rain

I wish I could forget those words

but my memory torments me at times.

It opens the door to the past

and makes me relive the bad times too.

As time moves on I find that

the good memories grow sweeter....

.... the bad memories grow bleaker

But I can sometimes touch the bad memories

without feeling the cutting pain.....

The pain is fading now

and the sweet flowers are covering the pain

with their beautiful fragrance.

Life is getting better. 

Destruction

[..... the victim speaks] 

My dreams are gone....

dreams shattered in a few fleeting moments 

when you forced your brutal lust

on my vulnerable body.

In my innocence I had no understanding 

of what you did.... only the pain. 

The pain shocked my mind and my body

I couldn't have resisted even if it was possible

For you I was a thing

.... you didn't care that the person I thought I knew

had been destroyed in those moments

My dreams destroyed

... the image I held in my mind

could never never do such a thing to me

You were my special one.... my idol... 

but you smashed my image... 

... smashed my dreams

And now there's an aching hole in my heart

that I used to hold you in.... 

Gone..... gone.... you are gone

and the leering face can never

take the place... 

you used to hold

The destruction is complete.

© Ian Croft September 2019 

Once....

[...... on aging]

Once I was young and bold

... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound

Now I feel decrepit and old

.... leaping a puddle is the best I've found

Once I could solve complex issues

..... now I can barely open a box of tissues

I used to climb tall ladders with speed

.... now to mount two steps, assistance I need! 

Oh for the joys of youth

.... I think I've lost them

and that's the truth

Now I sit in my chair and nod

.... perhaps to the letter box

with weary step do I plod

But for all the trials an aging body brings

there are many times that my spirit sings

Watching my child with her exuberance 

... seeing her love for me and her mother

These are joys to compare with no other

So I'm content in these days..... 

They're the best of all

...... that's what I says!


© Ian Croft September 2019 

Welcome

[... contemplating a cancer diagnosis]


Welcome friend....

... I've been waiting for you.

Your arrival brings a fresh pleasure

..... although your presence is not welcome

you bring an appreciation of all

 that I have been blessed with in my life.....

The people I have known and loved.... 

.... the experiences I have lived

All the memories have new value now

..... because you are here

..... and my remaining days 

might yet taken by you. 

So I am mindful of your touch

I can feel you within me. 

You have grown large..... 

and made your presence felt. 

Though you're part of me

I will tear you from my body. 

The memories you bring to life

are very welcome..... 

.... but you.... are.... not.


© Ian Croft August 2019 

The world within

{..... mindfulness}

Breathing in..... my mind sinks down
Slowly, slowly I become aware
..... aware of sensations.... of feelings
that are so often lost.... lost as flotsam
in the sea of busyness
.... moment by moment my slowing mind
allows the universe to overcome the busyness
and the urgency of my world

Creation is all round me.....
.... and it's within me....
It's waiting for me to stop...
... to slow down and accept

In accepting I will become whole
.... whole because I am part of creation
and creation is part of me

Where I once was separated and alone
I can now become aware
of my place in the universe

Is this something that I dare?
Can I reach out and become that being?
Moment by moment...... I am

© Ian Croft August 2019 

Wanderers

We're all wanderers in these halls

.... we come and go.... and some return

We seek respite and a solace here

.... peace and calm

    ..... for that we yearn

   

And many of us find that solace here

yet many do not.... and must try again

Regardless of success or not.... 

a friendly face can be found here

.... a caring hand and willing listener

.... who can hear when we need to talk

The path can be hard at times

.... it's not easy to stir up the past

with all the hurt and the pain

But it must be done if we're to heal

.... and find a place for our mind to rest

So sit awhile with us.... 

.... listen to our thoughts

We will do anything in our power

to reach that place of rest.... 

..... We will succeed!

© Ian Croft August 2019 

At the centre

We pass in the passage

..... sharing knowledge of where

we each have traveled

We know the pain that we struggle with

and we share the hope

that here we will find 

an end to that pain 

Or.... if not an end.... then a time of rest

.... a time to find a fresh mind

to let us survive through the next time

I don't know your names

but I see your faces.....

I hear your voices walking past

I don't know your story

but I can guess what you're feeling

and I can try to share that feeling. 

So be calm... remember

Keep holding on.....

..... the pain will come to an end

Hold on to the hope you have

..... hold on..... hold on

© Ian Croft August 2019