My heart

Can passion be contained?
Can it be possible to love just a little
when the feelings just want to explode?

When the heart is away
the lump in my throat
threatens to burst thru my skin
..... and tear my life away.

How can I love just a little
When my heart.... it wants to explode
How can I love just a little
When my heart..... it wants to explode. 

© Ian Croft December 2018

Kintsugi

Kintsugi is all about embracing things that are flawed or imperfect.... to mend them together so the cracks are more highlighted instead of hidden.

 

People who are inspirational have always had something that they've gone through — they've made that choice to either fear..... fear and shrink away..... or to face the fear and grow.

Let me be kintsugi
The unthinking vandals delighted
In the breaking of my life
They did the breaking so well
The jagged edges cut deep into my soul
and for endless moments the pain
of the cutting tormented me.

But two decades of patient work
has carefully fitted the pieces together
The love of those that surround me
has glued the parts into a whole....
and the final golden touch has been
the love of my brothers

I am kintsugi

© Ian Croft December 2018

Diamond

If  I were offered a rare diamond
In exchange for you
It would be no contest!
A joke


I would laugh in their face
And walk away....
You are more precious than that diamond
Sweeter than honey
And more valuable to me
Than any mountain of gold

Oh my love.... 

© Ian Croft December 2018

Fire earth water air

Fire is passion
Earth is strength and love and home
Water is life that continues and sustains
Air surrounds them all and makes life possible
First the fire.... then earth..... then water.... before air
Passion... and strength.... and life... and being
You are my passion
You are my strength
You are my life...... and my being

© Ian Croft December 2018

Trust

What makes love?  What makes trust?
Perhaps it is in knowing.....
..... knowing that which cannot be trusted
as well as what can be trusted.
Knowing the ways in which an understanding
can mean different things to different people.

Just as an object is different when seen from the other side
So too truth is different when seen through others eyes

Ponder this o thinking one.....
How to see through all eyes at once!
When I can see as others see
Then I might.... just might.....
be able to know.....

And in the knowing, trust can grow. 

© Ian Croft December 2018

Lady

Lady of mystery
Open your heart
The door is locked fast
Sealed by the pain of past
If only I could unlock that door
There could peace... and love....
Maybe more

© Ian Croft December 2018

Masks

We all wear a mask
That we hide behind

The real me they never see
The real me..... I will never be
On display.... till someone kind
Someone who cares....
Who wants to look
.... wants to know

Someone who understands
that we wear the mask
to dull the pain..... to take away
the hurts that we carry.....

But of course the mask
Only keeps the pain within
so that we can never lose that pain

Help me to take off my mask
.... and lose my pain. 

© Ian Croft December 2018

Fan the embers

A tiny spark has fallen on dry tinder
Small flames peek from their hiding place

Gently.... gently.....
Don't blow them out.....
Treat the tiny fire with love and care
And it will grow.....

Treat the tiny flames well
And they will grow
To become a consuming passion
..... A mighty fire
That will light up our life

And melt us into one. 

© Ian Croft December 2018

Ride. 26 December 2018

Ride the wild winds with me
Soar through the dark storm
Taste the joy of the flashing silver stream
And bind the power of the form

Fill your heart till it cannot hold
But screams with the release
Of passion

You are my heart, my soul
Without you I am not whole
Take me into your heart
So that we two are one

© Ian Croft December 2018

Christmas to the men of TEW 2018

I wish I had a merry missive
Fit to send you on this day

You deserve a jolly rollocking....
a bollocking.... a collection of nouns and verbs
Mixed with mistletoe and other herbs

Instead..... to you wonderful men I'll say.....

Merry Christmas!

That's my way. 

© Ian Croft December 2018

Happy. 21 December 2018

Shall I write something happy? 

What makes "happy"?
I love the movie Happy Feet
About the penguin who searches
for his heart song

We search for our own heart song too

Till we find that song
We are empty

How can we find the song?
For one person, the song is in creation
For another the song is in competition
The song can be to serve....
.... to burn for another like a flame

Why?

For some the force is passion
... another serves for love
Others serve from habit or compulsion
and the song is not satisfying.

When does the heart song come?

The heart song might come
in a time of hardship
or it might blossom in a time of great joy
But it seldom comes when it is sought
.... or when it is forced

Everyone is different.....
so be kind to yourself.

Listen

The heart song might be a booming joyous sound
Or it might be a tiny voice aching to be heard

Be ready..... Be mindful..... Listen

© Ian Croft December 2018

The Gulf 20 December 2018

In my life my brothers were denied me
My sisters didn't see me... nor accept me

I couldn't see the brother bond
The sister bond could not see me

So I wandered somewhere between the two
I didn't understand the first
And the second didn't understand me.

The recent times show hope
A small band of brothers has reached
Across the gulf
And a way has been found

A way to heal the loneliness
...... I hope

Thankyou my brothers

© Ian Croft December 2018

Swirling .... 15 December 2018

Thoughts tumble through my head
I wish I'd remember what they said
Was it this? Or that?
Oh for the calm I had before
A day or two.... maybe more
 

Three days ..... it's only three days since

We shared so deeply

One to nine .... nine to one....

...Oh ... ... it was SO much FUN!

The time touched me to my core

It left me aching for so much more

... and then James and I shared two days ..... 

.... again we plumbed the depths.

There were no secrets .... we shared our loves

... our pains.

Then on this day I visited Washie's site ...

... and my heart bled once more.

Oh Goddess .... 

So till Tuesday I will wait .... 

to see you all .... and to say .... Mate!

© Ian Croft December 2018

Frangipani 14 December 2018

In our house there are frangipani trees

When the house was new
The trees were already old
Placed in the ground
with their roots firmly bound

their trunks supported the younger branches above

The bound roots did not support the trunk
So the gardener placed strong supports
from ground to trunk
circling all round

As time travelled on
the roots sent their shoots
far through the ground
.... and the roots became strong

The trunk felt their support
... said "Thank you roots.  Maybe with your help
I can stand alone?"

And the time came when the gardener
visited the tree..... and the gardener felt
the strength of the roots.... felt the strength of the trunk.

"It is good" thought the gardener
and he removed the circling supports

So the tree stood alone.

Hear o man..... 
Do you have ears to hear the tale
Of roots and trunk? .... and circling supports? 
The message is there for us all. 

© Ian Croft December 2018

Last thoughts 13 December 2018

Sitting in the detritus of a time of wonder
Before this precious group
Is ripped asunder

I think of times before

I think of now

And... I think of times to come. 



© Ian Croft December 2018

The last day 13 December 2018

I woke at three
I woke at four
Maybe I woke at even more

I woke at five
And my heart was overflowing
So I poured that love away
I used it to water my heart
who is far away

She heard my overflow
And answered for a while
An oasis of passion in the desert
Flowers bloom

But now we men....
We men gather to say farewell
Some of us will meet again....
And renew this sweet soul touch

Some of us will never meet again

But we will remember

How could we forget?

Each soul is a shining light that draws us in.

And I....  I..... I will remember.

© Ian Croft December 2018

Beginnings. December 2018

Beginnings

 

This morning I reached a point
Where my body told my head to stop
So I retraced my steps
Back down the path
To where the journey began

 

Along the way my heart was light
I sang some songs
I drank in the sight
Of dogs.... and ducks
I watched those ducks
With all my might.

 

I saw the way
Mr Big Duck took control
Reached high
.... and flapped..... and quacked
And cared for every single duck

 

Eventually I found the start
Where we all began
And waited for the other guys
To find the place
Where we all began

 

And it struck me as I sat
How though we all began

In the same place....

Somehow we had found a different beginning

As we each walked in our way

 

© Ian Croft December 2018

 

I awaken. December 2018

Song to the Earth

This is a song written by Washuntara.  It is an important part of the experience of "The Elders Way" 2018

I awaken                                            The Song - I Awaken
In the pure land

In a world
Full of compassion.

I awaken
In the pure land
A world of love
And understanding

I awaken
Every morning
A smile is born
Upon my lips

I am solid
I am refreshed
In my practice
Of happiness

I awaken
In the pure land
In a world
Full of wisdom

I have arrived
I am home
There is kindness
There is trust

I come back to
My body now
Breathing in
And breathing out

In this moment
This lovely moment
I am calm.....
I am well.....
I am at peace

Mates 9 Dec 2019

Mates

Gee it's great to have a mate
Someone who wants to know
If I'm feeling up... or feeling down...
or just stubbed my bloody toe

I've lived a hermit for oh so long
I forgot the healing touch
of a hand upon my shoulder
asking me "Are you OK?" 

© Ian Croft December 2018

The spaces in between 9 Dec 2019

The spaces in between

We say a a lot.... you and I
Words really wing between

We talk of this.... or that
Of the places that we've seen

We tell a tale of days at work
Of worries that we have
Of things that really piss us off
Or things that make us scream.

But the things we say
That make me sad
Are the things we scream out loud
The unvoiced cries of remembered pain
In the spaces in between

Those words we do not speak
I hear them in my mind
The words you ache to say
But do not know the way

They're shouted none the less
by the spaces in between

This one says "See? I hurt!"
That one says "Help me.... please"
Unvoiced cries of pain and ache
They really shout out loud
Despite the silence that is left
by the spaces in between

I want to know..... I really do
the thoughts you do do not speak
The mem'ries that will not leave you lone
You ache to share them if you could
In the  spaces in between 

© Ian Croft December 2018

I remember 9 Dec 2019

[... when we cast into the ocean the thing we did not want to remember]

I remember

My story has not served me well.
It has tormented me
and wrapped me in invisible chains
.... chains of remembered pain
.... chains of relived feelings


But my story has been cast away
.... and now I remember where the story lies


Waves now wash the story
where it lies in the rocks.
The water dissolves the paper
On which the story lives

The pain of the story washes into the ocean

Peace.

© Ian Croft December 2018

The heart voice stirs

In time past my heart voice cried out
in a time of pain it burst out
.... the words spoke of my inner turmoil
and of my pain

The heart cried out to be heard and understood
by any who would listen.
The heart spoke of the walls that surrounded it
It begged for acceptance.

Once it had spoken, the heart fell silent
It listened to the echoes of its cries.
The echoes reverberated through years
And the heart could no longer speak.

          Silence

                                Silence

Then the heart began to stir.
The words are bubbling
through the potent mixture
Of hope and anticipation

The steps are seen.....
and the steps are waiting to be trod.

The heart voice is forming
And soon will be heard. 

© Ian Croft December 2018