It must be so hard...

[.... thinking about your feelings] 

To have your innermost thoughts
torn apart and rejected.....
that must be so hard.

I know what you feel....
I have heard your words
and the whispering of your heart
that gives rise to those words....

Your thoughts are real.....
the thoughts are you.
Those feelings are not wrong
... how can such beautiful feelings be wrong

So grieve for your heart
... your heart has been cruelly mistreated
rejected and assaulted.....

Your heart will heal.....
In time the pain will fade
They cannot take from you
the memory of our shared feelings

As in a gold mine, the water washes the dirt away
and leaves the gold behind....
.... so the tears..... yours and mine....
will wash away the dirt of their rejections
leaving the gold of what you and I shared

Be strong......
I will always share your thoughts and feelings.

© Ian Croft May 2019

Hope

Hope will never die

You may send me away
...... cease contact in any way
but my heart won't allow
this treasure to fade from this day

I will hold.....
.... will not fold
   ..... though I'm old
   I'll not do as I'm told!
 
I will hope.....
    I will hope....
  
There will come a day
when your heart will say
"There must be a way...."
..... so my hope will live
              and wait.....

© Ian Croft May 2019

Rejoice in green

[.... the memory of green...]

All the best things in life are green
.... grass .... leaves .... beautiful birds ...
.... but especially .....

A thousand deaths I will die
.... each more painful than the last
Each time that my imagination
torments me with what might have been

My eyes fill with tears as I remember

the look in your eyes as you stole a glance .....
the sound of your voice as we spoke .....
my gasp as I realised what you were thinking ......
how we shared those dreams ....

And then

the way you held me in your arms ......
the touch of your lips on mine .....

Green has always been my favourite colour
and now have I have even more reason
to rejoice in green

© Ian Croft May 2019

Remember

[.... on the loss of a lover]

There's a part of my heart
that will beat for you forever....
I would like to be able to forget you
to ease the pain....
.... but just knowing that you live
takes the pain away.

So I will remember you....
and remember the joy
that you brought to me

That will ease the pain
of losing what might have been

When we parted that day
I did not walk away on the ground.....
I floated away on bliss

.... and your words in the following days
filled my heart with joy
I have saved your words
... and I will keep your words for ever.

But clouds always follow sunshine
and sadness can often follow joy
So the happiness you bring
is a double sided gift....
Joy on the one side
and sadness on the other.

This gift you give to me...
will never fade as time goes on.

I will remember you....
.... and perhaps one day
... as you read these words again
.... you will remember me
and I will live again.... in your heart.

© Ian Croft May 2019

Responsibility

[... pondering my role]

Things for you might have been very different ....
..... utterly different!
And yet you are here ..... and I have a role in your life.
That role may be small for you .....
.... or it might be large.  It will be your choice.

But whatever you choose ....
.... however you decide to place me in your life...
it will be a role that can have an impact
..... on your happiness
       ....... on your contentment

.... or my role can hurt you.

It is part of my role to care for your future ...
... to consider the impact of my decisions.

You are an amazingly strong person ....
..... you have suffered greatly in your life's journey
and yet your journey has only just begun!

I am in awe of the way you have survived the hurts
.... they have tried to use you .... to destroy you
       ..... and they have failed!
You have risen above their vicious attacks
and you have survived.

I am so privileged to be chosen by you ....
.... to stand with you .... by your side...
I am so proud to be with you.

© Ian Croft May 2019

The tiny seconds

 [.... of what might have been...]

The seconds are so important
Each tiny portion of time passes so quickly
and it will never come again.
Such small amounts of time
have such a huge impact on our life.

A few seconds more....
..... just a few seconds more till you were found
.... and your life would have been no more

A few seconds....
..... and you would never have found me

A few seconds.....
.... and my life would be so very different

Those seconds....  the tiny ticking of the clock....
... have brought great joy to me
Those seconds....
.... have brought us together

The seconds might have split our destiny...
.... instead the seconds have forged a new future
.... for you...... and for me

© Ian Croft May 2019

At this time....

[.... on disappointment...]

Life is interesting....
..... the patterns I have lived with for so long
are changing.....
The end is in sight but I'm not done yet!

And meanwhile sadness is a constant companion.
 

Sadness is the flipside to many events
..... joy on one side and pain on the other
A new found friend....
..... is gone soon after.....
Why?  There is no answer.... and pain follows

What to do?  The head has one answer
.... and the heart has another.
Patience.... wait
..... till time brings the clue
to the riddle of why.....

Maybe the clue will create more sadness
and maybe it will bring joy.
.... just wait

© Ian Croft May 2019

The pain

[Thought for the morning.....]

 
Yin and Yang
                   Joy and Pain

Both are part of the whole
To appreciate the joy, we must embrace the pain.

The pain is different.....
... it's not a physical pain
as if the body has been damaged
and abused....
It's a feeling of absence...
... that something is just not right

But the pain is shaded with hope....
... That the absent joy
will come again.
It will be renewed.... and the flower
will bloom.... and the fragrance
will again fill my senses.

So it is not real pain...
It's just a temporary sadness
That is healed by knowing that
the joy to come will be even more.

© Ian Croft May 2019

Without reserve

[ ... of searching and doubts]

We search for connection
My heart wants to connect
..... to feel that I belong

How? How can this connection grow?

What is it that holds me back
.... that prevents me from reaching out to you

Fear...
....... fear that you will not accept my tentative touch
.... fear that I will not be worthy
Yet... if indeed I am not worthy...
then what is the worst that can befall me?

If that connection should fail....
then I will be in the same place as I am now!
I will have lost nothing.

But if that connection should succeed?
.... then I will gain riches without measure
.... a heart to join with mine

And better still... should we connect....
is that together we will gain so much
Together we will be much greater
than the two separate beings.

So.... take the chance!
Accept the risk....
We might fail.... but what the heck
It'll be fun don't you think? 

© Ian Croft May 2019

This day

[.... thoughts after a meeting]

Though oceans may rise and flood this land
Though the mountains might be crushed
Though time may cease to have meaning

..... yet this day will sound out its joyful noise!

Nothing can take away these precious moments
.... these memories will be ours forever

You and I can forever relive
.... those words we spoke...
.... the thoughts we shared...
.... the gentle touch..

Time can never erase the memory
.... of your lips on mine

© Ian Croft May 2019

Before the chance is gone

[..... don't put off that moment!]

Each of us wants to connect
with a special person in our life.
We try and try....
to find the perfect moment
.... that moment that will make it all right

But we try so hard.....
and in our effort to get things perfect,
we forget to actually make a start!

.... and before we realise....
that moment has passed us by.
Our chance to connect...
....has flown away before our eyes.

So don't waste the years waiting....
... waiting for that perfect moment
Say a word!  Ask a question!
Make the effort....
... to find that connection.

If you look behind and see that moment
in your past....   it's too late!
You can't go back....
So do it now.... don't waste the years. 

© Ian Croft May 2019

You

[....to my lover]

You are all that I have hoped for
You're all I dreamed of
The moon and stars could fade away
but you're the only light that I need

Let me bask in your warmth
and swim in your love
Let me dive to the depths of you
and let me taste every flavor
of your soul.

You are all that I can hope for
and all of my dream
Let me love in completeness
and love without holding back.

The day will come when my life fades
but at that time I will know
that you are my beginning and my end
You are my all. 

© Ian Croft May 2019

To the healers

 [ .... a tribute to psychologists ]

The tortured soul has a voice
that cries in the silence.....
....  no one will interrupt
when the cry is heard

The anguish of a damaged life
feeds the cancer of the growing damage.
The longer that the damage
is left unhealed....
the more it spreads and poisons
the mind of the victim.

The path to healing is long and slow
It's much easier to hide... I know!
I hid my face for much of my life
and the cancer robbed me.....
.... family, friends, career.....
these were the price I paid over the years
... the cost of hiding....

If only I had had known at that time
..... the power of a healing friend
that could listen and hold my hand
while the dreadful deeds were unwound.

So my message to you mighty warriors
.... who go out to heal those wounds
.... Don't lose heart!  You are making the world
into a better place! ..... and your work
will live forever in the lives you help to heal. 

© Ian Croft May 2019

We can't afford this...

[.... approaching an election]

Our nation is morally bankrupt
The wealth which we were taught was boundless
is rapidly reaching the end.

Our children will be left to pay
the price of the careless ignorance
with which we treat this land.

Truth is a scarce commodity
and the media.... and social media
.... treat truth as a plaything
.... like play dough that can be molded
and folded to serve the wrong purpose

.... and our guardians?
Where are they? 
We choose them to serve us

but instead they play their petty power games
with one end in sight!
Elect me again!

Little sign of love for this land....

The land cries out....
Why can't you hear?

© Ian Croft May 2019 

Joy

[..... reflections on life]

I've been so fortunate in my life
I have known happiness

I have climbed heights
and explored the ocean
I have flown in the sky
and journeyed the desert

The limitless night sky
has been a breathtaking blanket
during nights under the stars
I have been so fortunate

I have travelled to other lands
and been accepted by other cultures
The breaking dawn over a myriad islands
has filled my heart with peace and joy

But the best of all.... in all my life
has been that I can love....
that I have loved.....
..... and that I've been loved

So those of you that know
that I'm speaking of you....
Be proud!  You have filled my life
with joy..... and for some of you
who read these words....
the story is not over
.... you continue to give me great joy
and I am.... so fortunate.

© Ian Croft May 2019 

Past pain

[    .... not mine .... but makes me think!]

"Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them." —Iyanla Vanzant

Time

[... lament for lost freedom]

My time has been stolen from me
I didn't understand just how important
that time is to me.....
.....  and now it's gone?

My mind thrashes around.....
trying to complete the tasks
that life demands.

Where once I could sit and think....
.... and write..... and create thoughts...
.... now I must line up the numbers
and get it right.

The job must be done
so people can be paid.
Forget my sanity....
.... this is not fun!

I know what I'll do....
.... I'll throw it all away!
Do it yourself.... is what I'll say!

But no.... till a willing helper is found
I must hold to the task....
... but time.... where's my time?

© Ian Croft May 2019 

Heart and head

[... of hopes and dreams]

It's very hard to think one thing
when you feel a different way
.... when your heart says this
but your head says not

You really want to follow the heart
but the head says "Don't even start!"
So you swallow that urge
to act as you feel....
... and sense takes over
before the heart takes the plunge.

And so you try to stay sane .....
.... though you want to explain
that you're really in pain ...
and it's oh so hard to behave in this way
... you suck it up ..... and start again.

Will you touch me?
.... try to break through?
My heart is screaming "It's you!!!"
.... but my head says ... "Shut up boy
.... she doesn't want you."
Drown your hopes ....and kill that dream ....
it's nothing real ... just your foolish heart ....
thinking ... again ...that a vision could come true.

© Ian Croft May 2019