You are loved

[..... remember]



The years will unfold for you
..... memories will become layers
in your mind as experiences build for you

Through it all.....
..... when you're tempted to feel sad
Remember.....
..... remember that you have been loved
.... that you have been counted as special

Times will come when you feel down
.... when there's little reason
to wipe off that frown
.... but in those times.... remember
... remember that you have been loved
.... that your amazing spirit and mind
have been loved and appreciated

.... and I?
..... I will be forever thankful
that you touched my life
.... that you touched my heart

© Ian Croft July 2019 

Where to now?

[..... to a friend]

Beautiful creature full of life
... you've paid such a huge price
to be walking this earth
They stole your innocence
with their callous violence
and their heartless rejections
....... stab you still

For a time it seemed
they might succeed
in taking your spirit as well...
.... but no..... your spirit now soars!

But the violence you've suffered
has left deep scars
The scars are not in your skin
... they're in your soul
and you've been robbed of precious dreams
and robbed of feelings of joy

Pleasure which should have been yours
has been blocked from your life
by the endless endurance
of mindless spiteful strife.

..... and now?

You're facing a choice......

You can either accept their victory
and accept that they have stolen your feelings

or you can reject what they've done to you
and claim back your feelings.....
...... claim back the pleasure

It's your right! It's your life!
Take the feelings into your mind.....
Don't let the death of your pleasure
be the bastards continuing victory

© Ian Croft July 2019 

Down in the hole

It's such a lonely place.....

.... down in the hole.

Friends talk to me from the edge above

.....  but the sides of the hole

are sheer..... and so slippery

They can't climb down.....

..... and if they could climb down

then they'd be in the hole too!

That might not be so lonely....

but we'd still be there in the hole

There's talk of finding me a ladder!

.... to take away these terrible feelings

and let me climb out

I hope it works.....

.... I'm so... so tired of feeling like this. 

The abyss

It yawns in front of me

I watch others falling in....

.... dragged down by overwhelming sadness

.... and endless pain

I reach out to you...

I'll not let you fall

I've only just found you

..... don't give in

... don't let yourself fall

Hold on to whatever you can

.... you can do this

Just hold on to the hope

..... dream of tomorrow

Life can be better....

... you said that to me

and you stopped me from falling

.... falling into the abyss

Now... I do that for you

Don't fall.... hold on.... don't fall

Is your heart big enough?

It takes a big heart to hold all my hurts
...... a lifetime of rejection and pain
that's what my heart tries to contain
It struggles to keep them under control
.... and often it fails.

So the hurts spill over
..... and rush to my head
And my mind takes it all in
... and ends in a spin

Is your heart big enough?
.... big enough to understand my heart
yet not be consumed by the darkness?

At times the darkness is like tar
.... spreading over the joy
so that the joy can't shine through

Is your heart strong enough?
..... to stand under the weight of the darkness
and to let the joy escape?

It's been such a long time.......
Is your heart big enough?

© Ian Croft July 2019 

Futile existence

Life can get pretty frustrating at times

..... but it all boils down to some simple things 

Family.... Feed.... fuck..... and die

Everything else is froth and bubble

..... don't buy yourself too much trouble

by chasing the fripperies.....

We're "sold a pup" about how important

the other things are....

but at the end of the day

we can't take it with us!

..... so it doesn't matter.

So don't sweat the little stuff

..... does it really matter? 

Keep focused on the basics

In the game of life.... 

keep your ball on the green

..... and stay out of the rough

© Ian Croft July 2019 

Travelling

Life is a journey from one place to the next
.... much of the way is smooth ground
but sometimes the surface is rocky
and it's hard to walk....

When you walk on your own
the going can be tough.....
many a fall with hurts all over

If another can walk beside me
the smooth parts of the walk
.... can be a time of shared joy
and the rough parts will lose the pain

When you trip I will catch you
and when I fall you will ease my pain
Together..... we can make the journey
into a time of delight....

So take my hand.... and walk with me
.... help me in the bad times
and sing with me in the good
Life is so much better when shared.

© Ian Croft July 2019 

Hard slog

[.... bad day]

It's so hard to keep going
when you have to slog through the mud and mire
..... when it feels like life is not worth living

So many parts of life all conspire
to make a mess of my emotions
.... and when that happens it gets hard to think
... hard to make a decision
and so hard to keep going through the motions
of daily living

It's hard
... so ... so hard

Is the end in sight?
... I hope so.
There are times when I don't want
to make it through the night....

But if I force myself I can remember
that others go through worse than me
.... and they still cope
.... or do they? Is this really living
when every step we take is such a trial .....
when you have to slog through the mud and mire

© Ian Croft July 2019 

Precious moments

These precious moments

are like diamonds in a stream....

.... we can't see them

but if we put our hands in the water

we can feel them....

Precious moments....

So close to us....

Yet so hard to find.....

and so hard to hold

Reach out to me

take these moments I offer to you

If you let the moments lie

then the moments will be gone

Touch the moments....

.... please

© Ian Croft July 2019 

Deserve?

You have been offered a gift....

... a gift of love

But you hesitate to accept..... 

... unsure if you are worthy

What can you do to deserve the love?

Nothing...... there's nothing you can do

Love's a gift..... It cannot be earned

..... or worked for

     ...... or deserved 

It is only for you to accept 

...... or for you to reject

So put aside those judgements

where you place yourself on the scales of life

and you find yourself wanting......

You think that your worth....

..... your value..... can somehow

be measured against some arbitrary scale

..... and found to be lacking?

This love that is offered to you

is given because of the gift itself

It's the nature of love

that its given without measure 

.... it's given without price

   ..... and accepting the gift brings no debt

It's yours to accept..... or to reject

Rather than measure yourself....

instead consider that your acceptance

will bring a gift to the one who offers you love

© Ian Croft July 2019 

Limits

Sometimes love has limits

The classic goal is to love without limits

..... unrestrained passion

But it's an unrealistic aim

since we each carry our past.

When we find that special connection

our heart says "Go!".....

       .......  and reality says "Go slow!"

Why?..... Why do the chains of my past

drag me down.... passion killer

..... when all I want to do is fill her

with joy.... and peace.... 

I want to break free..... 

    ..... I want to break free

I want you to know me

.... the person you can't see

My past.... I want to be free

© Ian Croft July 2019 

       

Broken promises

Life seems full of broken promises

..... we trust too much

and then we're disappointed

Often the seemingly broken promises

are really broken communication

.... she said.... I heard.... we both thought

different things.

The things we thought we said

became different things 

in each other's head. 

And it becomes a broken promise

once again..... 

..... another bitter stab

by the blade that we cannot touch

..... that cuts so easily

It hurts so much

as it pierces my heart. 

Our path together began so close 

..... we said the same words

and we thought that we heard..... 

what each of us said. 

.... but each step we took was angled

ever so slightly apart

and the further we walked, 

the further apart we were

till we reach a point where I try to touch you

..... and you're not even there. 

We call out to each other now

..... but the sound is muffled

by the clouds of uncertainty

© Ian Croft July 2019 

Treasure chest

I kept my heart in a treasure chest

..... in that place it was safe

Nothing could hurt me there

... in that place so secure

Then one day I found a wanderer

... so hurt and so like me

I was entranced..... 

and so I gave her the key

The key to my treasure chest

..... she now holds the key

She opens that place and looks inside

and turns my heart upside down

She could come inside if she dared

.... come inside if she cared

What will she do?

Will she join me in that place?

.... and put her heart next to mine?

Two hearts could beat as one

© Ian Croft July 2019 

Fantasy

Reality is such a downer

Fantasy is much better

..... no pesky details to get in the way

   ..... I can rearrange facts to make it work

 I like it when the world is mine

 to change my world  ....

..... to fit my desires

It's so cool.

But then comes the hard part!

.... hoping that the other players

in my lovely fantasy

will play their part too!

The fantasy is that you will share....

.... that the fantasy will be yours too

    ..... and you'll be there!

Then reality strikes again....

.... the fantasy is just that....

....... a fantasy.....

And like a mist in the early morning... 

My dreams evaporate in the heat

of the dawning day.

Gone.....   gone.....

It's all gone.... 

Reality hurts so much

© Ian Croft July 2019 

My body

[..... we all have one]

My body is my worst enemy
..... and my best friend
It's the only one I have!

My body allows "me" to experience pleasure .... and joy ....
Those chemicals my body produces make my brain
tell "me"  that things are .... oh so good.
Yet the body also produces chemicals which torment ...
.... bringing desires which cannot be sated
and which bring tears of endless frustration

If I get rid of my body?

..... if it's my friend then I would be gone
No more "me" to bother "you"
No more pleasures ... and no more joy

.....but if it's my enemy then I have lost nothing
but the pain and the torment .....
and these I can do without
.... cos if that's what life is about
then aren't we better off without this living thing?

Come closer my friend .... let me feel your touch
It's so dark and cold when I'm alone ....
..... it makes me feel so old .... and tired .... and defeated

But when you are close .... when you touch my heart
I feel joy .... and I want to stay
Do you understand? .... all that I say?

© Ian Croft July 2019 

Fabulous furry felines

[.... of Squish and other cats]

A group of cats is called a clowder. 
... I don't know why ....
Perhaps because when they're all together

..... they're much, much louder? 

A group can also be called a glaring, 
particularly if the cats are uncertain of each other. 
Ha!.... I can just see them.... stalking round
.... their backs all a frizz
           ..... staring and glaring

A litter of kittens can also be called a kindle.
... so a kindle is part of a clowder!
A kindle will never be part of a glaring
because the mother cats are certain of their kittens

I wonder if I'm allow da
 ...... be part of your beautiful clowder
I hope so......

© Ian Croft July 2019

I feel like I don't deserve.....

 [.... we all suffer from this]

Guilt.....
It's an age old pain
that has been bothering us
for thousands of years.....

The really old guys just threw it away!
A "scape goat" would be loaded
with their guilt... and then the poor thing
would be driven away..... or sacrificed
.... and hey presto! .... the guilt was gone
and if the human accepts that.....
he can feel good again.
Acceptance is huge

Then along came the others.....
Jesus.... Buddha..... the Prophet....
Each had their own idea
about why and how....
Why do we feel guilt?
How do we remove that guilt?

Cos we can't live with that guilt
Guilt is an emotional millstone
.... it sits on our shoulders
and drowns us in the sea of misery

Jesus says that guilt is something
that we can't hope to remove....
.... that only God can do that
We must accept....
Acceptance is huge

Buddha says that guilt is a problem
that we must recognize...
Accept the guilt as a fact.....
Acceptance is huge

The prophet says to follow the rules
and then maybe the guilt is not there?
I hope so.....
Acceptance is huge

Whatever answer sits well in your mind
.... think about it..... accept it
Acceptance is huge
.... and acceptance is the answer

© Ian Croft July 2019

You are not alone

[.... for a friend who's in a bad place]

The sky is very dark

It feels as if the blackness and the gloom

will never go away.....

The clouds press down.....

.... and my world feels so flat

The clouds are so dark...

..... the thicker they are

the darker they look....

From where I stand underneath

it feels as though I will be crushed

In my head I know that the sun still shines

.... above the clouds the sun 

turns the blackness into shining white

But I'm underneath.... not on top

....  and I feel so flat.

But wait!

I feel a hand on my shoulder.....

.... you are here!  

You stand behind me

..... and put your arms around me

I am not alone!  I am not alone! 

If you are with me then the gloom is gone

.... and it becomes a shared time. 

I am not alone.

© Ian Croft July 2019

Words

[..... writers block]

The words are reluctant.....

.... not showing their faces

I miss them so much.

I love my words....

... the way they play on the page

They express what I feel...

Sometimes I can't speak... 

but the words that flow

will speak for me I know

But now I'm sad.....

 because the words are stuck

.... blocked at the door 

they mill round in confusion

.... seeking the form and shape

that gives them life and meaning

Why? (say the words) 

Oh why can't we leap onto the page?

Joyfully dance round the hidden thoughts

.... and gently sing the sounds

that give life to his thinking

Perhaps his muse is far away

... perhaps her pain is holding us in chains

Release us please.... let us dance again

© Ian Croft July 2019

Elephant in the room

[.... dare we talk about it?]

The common view is that it's bad....

... it's wrong.... 

and we mustn't think about it

..... mustn't talk about it.

But the more I open up

and talk to others about it

the more I find that..... 

they're thinking about it too!

The dread thought!

..... the act that would take me to nought.

The thing that scares each one of us

is that we don't want pain.... 

I guess that we don't want pain 

.... in living.... or in dying

Living is a wonderful thing.... 

.... but when living is a constant 

and seemingly unending experience of pain

.... then it ceases to be a wonderful thing 

and becomes an endless torment. 

Dying is always portrayed as violent

.... painful..... to be fought against...
Why?  Why can't death be peaceful .... calm ...

..... death is part of life... 

        We will all die.... 

Why should death be seen as bad? 

Let's plan for death as a part of our life! 

.... embrace the coming end
Lets make it good! ... a time of peace ....

Share the memories of the good parts

and make this part of life 

...... a good part too.

© Ian Croft July 2019