Truth

[a commentary on the tragedy of the indigenous suicide rate]

What is it about history
that makes it so hard
for the conqueror to acknowledge
that they have conquered?

There can be no denial.....
the ruthless victors stand
with their feet apon the necks
of the once unchallenged people.

Just as that horrific injustice
was visited on past generations
.... so the current day victors
are part of the ghastly story
.... and the fact that the story exists
cannot be denied.

The ongoing denial is a knife
that stabs..... and stabs...
The wounds cannot heal
till history is accepted
and the victors say "Sorry".

© Ian Croft March 2019

Where do you go?

[... when things are bad]

There are times when the mountains
come crashing down on top of me....
The weight on my mind is a thick blanket
that I just can't lift.....
I tell no-one .... because to speak of that burden
seems to make it heavier somehow.

In times like this I retreat into routine .....
.... close my thoughts and drift till the next event.
Don't let my mind think about what or how ....
Just drift for a while....

What do you do ..... in times like that?
You and I have talked and I know
that you have the bad times too .....
Where do you go?

Can I come too? When you go to your bad place...
can I come too? .... it will be a better place
if I can share it with you ....
And I know that my bad place would be so much better
if you were with me there..... will you come too?

© Ian Croft March 2019

The last gasp

[Last night I thought I had received an email ....
.... but now I can't find the email.  Did I dream it?
If it had been real.....   ]

There's an invitation in the email today
.... to another "Elders Way" time in Ubud
When I remember how intense
the time in December was
I can't face the same thing again

Last time I plumbed the depth
of memories and the feelings
... and I faced the discomfort of contact
with males.... my tormentors in disguise

I consumed my reserves of strength
..... and now.... the thought of doing it all again?
.... it brings my chest into my mouth
I can't face it all over again.

I need some time to recover
.... to build some strength anew
Don't ask me to voice those memories
to unknown faces again....
I can't do it.

© Ian Croft March 2019

Can I ever forgive them?

[it's a bad morning.....]

Can I ever forgive them?

The faceless unknown tormentors

have no identity to me
The torture was not delivered
with a return address attached
So the neatly wrapped experience
Is mine to hold for evermore
I cannot send it back

Forever doomed to unwrap the package
I dream of pushing it away
.... but the dreams always seem to end
with me untying the string
and unfolding the paper
To release the torture demon
who laughs at my despair












..... and once again..... the torment plays out

I wish they had a face
I wish they had a name

If they did then I think that I
.... could try to understand
the painful past they must have lived
that would twist their soul
into being the demon that delighted
in torture.... and torment

I wish I could know them...
.. so I could forgive them.

© Ian Croft March 2019

Forever

[a cry of the heart]

You took my heart
...... in a moment
You took my dreams
..... and turned them inside out
I..... I will always be now
..... yours.... from this moment
.... to.... forever more

And though the sun may die
I will not cry.... for you I know
.... and you will be
.... forever in this moment
.... forever in this moment

.... Mine..... and I am yours
You are mine.... and I am yours.....

Forever in this moment

© Ian Croft March 2019

Love

Leunig:  Love one another and you will be happy.  It's as simple and as difficult as that. There is no other way.

It seems so simple.... just one thing to do
The sages through the ages
agree on this simple message

Yet humans are in constant conflict
.... forever striving and conniving
to gain the upper hand.
Be the top dog.... grab the power
.... crush the others under your feet.
and be the boss.

Between you and me it should be easy
yet things always seem to make it hard...
I want to love you...
... and you want to love me...
yet there's always something in the way
.... I find some reason to doubt

I have to slow down.....
.... calm my mind
and lose the frown....
lose the worry and the stress
Then perhaps that love I'll find

© Ian Croft March 2019

Looking down

[Be mindful of where you have your attention]

You don't see rainbows when you are looking down!
So check your face and be aware .....
You won't feel joy if your face has a frown.
Head up! .... Look at the sky .....
this is important .... take lots of care.

The clouds may be there
... and you think they're so bad
.... but sit awhile and contemplate
The clouds become rain when they dissipate
And sunlight through rain a rainbow creates
.... everything ends and begins anew
So feel the joy when the cycle renews


© Ian Croft March 2019

Finding the way out

[The Fourth Truth of the way]
[Once a problem has been identified, accepted and clarified .... then a solution can be found.]

Well done. You are a diligent seeker!
You have walked three of the four Truths that make the Way.
Now you have arrived at a new understanding .... the road to well being
This one is not easy .... none of the Truths are easy
.... but at the end of this one is "a new you"
A 'you' that will bring you joy and fulfillment
So read on diligent seeker
Fill your mind .... and learn

There are eight Paths .... when you practice them ....
...... they will lead you to well being.
 
The eight Paths are.....

Right Mindfulness
Right View
Right Thinking
Right Speech
Right Action
Right Livelihood
Right Diligence
Right Concentration

Think on these ... are they in the correct order?
Does their order matter?
Which Path appeals to your mind?

Each Path will assist in considering the others....
They are all components of the whole.
All together are.... Right


© Ian Croft March 2019

Mindfulness

[This is a tribute to a man who, in my mind, is one of the most important thinkers in history.]

(author - Brooke Schedneck - posted in "The Conversation" March 18, 2019)

Thich Nhat Hanh, the monk who popularized mindfulness in the West, has returned home to Vietnam to enjoy the rest of his life. Devotees from many parts of the world are visiting the ailing 92-year-old, who has retired to a Buddhist temple outside Hue. 
This thoughtful and accepting approach to his own failing health seems fitting for the popular Buddhist teacher, whose followers include a thousand Buddhist communities around the world and millions more who have read his books. For everyone, his teachings encourage being present in the moment. 
As a scholar of the contemporary practices of Buddhist meditation, I have studied his simple yet profound teachings, which combine mindfulness along with social change.

Peace activist
In the 1960s, Thich Nhat Hanh played an active role promoting peace during the years of war in Vietnam. Hanh was in his mid-20s when he became active in efforts to revitalize Vietnamese Buddhism for peace efforts.
Over the next few years, Thich Nhat Hanh set up a number of organizations based on Buddhist principles of nonviolence and compassion. His School of Youth and Social Service, a grassroots relief organization, consisted of 10,000 volunteers and social workers offering aid to war-torn villages, rebuilding schools and establishing medical centers.
He also established the Order of Interbeing, a community of monastics and lay Buddhists who made a commitment to compassionate action and supported war victims. In addition, he founded a Buddhist university, a publishing house, and a peace activist magazine as a way to spread the message of compassion.
In 1966, Thich Nhat Hanh traveled to the United States and Europe to appeal for peace in Vietnam.
In lectures delivered across many cities, he compellingly described the war’s devastation, spoke of the Vietnamese people’s wish for peace and appealed to the U.S. to cease its air offensive against Vietnam.
During his years in the U.S., he met Martin Luther King Jr., who nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1967.
However, because of his peace work and refusal to choose sides in his country’s civil war, both the communist and noncommunist governments banned him, forcing Thich Nhat Hanh to live in exile for over 40 years.
During these years, the emphasis of his message shifted from the immediacy of the Vietnam War to being present in the moment – an idea that has come to be called “mindfulness.”

Being aware of the moment
Thich Nhat Hanh first started teaching mindfulness in the mid-1970s. The main vehicle for his early teachings was his books. In “The Miracle of Mindfulness,” for example, Thich Nhat Hanh gave simple instructions on how to apply mindfulness to daily life. This book was translated into English for a global audience.
In his book, “You Are Here,” he urged people to pay attention to what they were experiencing in their body and mind at any given moment, and not dwell in the past or think of the future. His emphasis was on the awareness of the breath. As you follow the breath, he taught his readers to say internally, “I’m breathing in; this is an in-breath. I’m breathing out: this is an out-breath.”
People interested in practicing meditation didn’t need to spend days at a meditation retreat or find a teacher. His teachings emphasized that mindfulness could be practiced anytime, even when doing routine chores.
Even when doing the dishes, people could simply focus on the activity and be fully present. Peace, happiness, joy and true love, he said, could be found only in the moment.

Mindfulness in America
Hanh’s mindfulness practices don’t advocate disengagement with the world. Rather, in his view, the practice of mindfulness could lead one toward “compassionate action,” like practicing openness to other’s viewpoints and sharing material resources with those in need.
Jeff Wilson, a scholar of American Buddhism, argues in his book, “Mindful America,” that it was Hanh’s combination of daily mindfulness practices with action in the world that contributed to the earliest strands of the mindfulness movement. This movement eventually became what Time Magazine in 2014 called the “mindful revolution.” The article argues that the power of mindfulness lies in its universality, as the practice has entered into corporate headquarters, political offices, parenting guides and diet plans.
For Thich Nhat Hanh, however, mindfulness is not a means to a more productive day but a way of understanding “interbeing,” the connection and codependence of everyone and everything. In a documentary “Walk With Me,” he illustrates interbeing in the following way:

A young girl asks him how to deal with the grief of her recently deceased dog. He instructs her to look into the sky and watch a cloud disappear. The cloud has not died but has become the rain and the tea in the teacup. Just as the cloud is alive in a new form, so is the dog. Being aware and mindful of the tea offers a reflection on the nature of reality.

He believes this understanding could lead to more peace in the world.

In 2014, Thich Nhat Hanh suffered a stroke. Since then, he has been unable to speak or continue his teaching. In October of 2018 he expressed his wish, using gestures, to return to the temple in Vietnam where he was ordained as a young monk.

It can end

[The Third Truth of the Way]

Everything must end
The suffering that you know
began at a point....
.... then grew to be
what you now see

Everything that begins
will one day reach its end

Knowing what has caused
your trouble to begin
.... will show you that
this trouble will one day end

So wait with patience
and seek to know
the pathway to the end
down which you must go.

© Ian Croft March 2019

Torschlusspanik

[Amusing myself]

It's all ticking down
It'll soon be gone
Wad'll I do when the horse has bolted
an my bolts bin shot?

Life is passin me by
.... weltschmerz has me by the throat
..... and it's almost ichschmerz too
..... Wad'll I do? Wad'll I do?

The daily grind that assaults my mind
has no end in sight
..... it's gripping me too tight
So down this lonely path
... through the sludge I'll trudge
The path is leading nowhere
so nowhere I will go
It's nowhere that I know.


© Ian Croft March 2019

Causes

[The Second Truth of the way]

Step one.... that was not fun.
You had to delve deep into your thinking
and make sure that your thoughts were clear
.... not clouded by anger or fear

Now you stand on a mountain top
.... all your past life and thoughts are there
for you to consider and to be aware
Now you can look for the ways
that the past has "caused" the present.

The present is the suffering
that we struggle with every day.
In our clear mind we can see
how the past has caused the present.
.... and the insight we have gained
shows our future path... this is Step Three!

© Ian Croft March 2019

Acceptance is huge

[the First Truth of the way]

Acceptance is huge
To accept what IS, you have to understand it
Think about.... what is it?
..... when did it start?.... why is it here?

The first step of the Way is to accept suffering
What is suffering for me? .... or for you?
Once suffering has been defined... identified
then the next step will become clear

But for now we must "know"
... what the suffering is
... and once we know
we must accept the suffering
.... rest in that knowing.

In that acceptance
is the seed of the flower
.... the knowing gives the power
to change our struggle
into peace.

© Ian Croft March 2019

First meeting

[The thrill of meeting]

The excitement of a new meeting
.... it's hard to find something
with more of an adrenaline kick
.... more of that throat clenching
and tummy surging feeling

I'm addicted to meeting new people
.... it feeds the need for connection
and fights the constant battle
against loneliness.

Where does this loneliness come from?
Is it the same for everyone?
Is loneliness the common denominator
of society today?
Do we all seek a way out from this ache
.... wondering just how we can make
it go away?

Surely there can be more
than this constant search....
"Come to us" says the church
and "Work with us" say the service clubs
.... but their answer is really a sham
.... covering need with busy-ness and glam

The addiction is deeper
..... buried in the mind
It's an answer that we all try to find.
A soul mate.... that's what we seek
... then the jigsaw pieces will fit
and our hearts will soar
.... and seek no more. 

© Ian Croft March 2019

How can I help?

[how do I help]

I know what sort of help
that a caring friend can offer me....
It's not the same for you I think.

For you the dreaded demon lurks
round every corner.... in every glance....
when your gaze should fall on
that glorious temptation that is your joy
and your doom wrapped in one.

So what can I do?  How can I ease your pain?

For me to just wait... does that help?
..... if I'm there when you need a hand to hold?

I know you don't need platitudes and advice
..... that's no good to you when your soul
is crying for some way to survive....
to turn away from the poison
that is so dear....

So what can I do?  Is there anything at all
that can ease the pain?

© Ian Croft March 2019

The sentence

[Reaction to the sentencing of Pell]

He gets just three years and eight months.
I’ve been in a mental prison
for fifty three years so far.

He's a perpetrator ..... I’m a victim.
Not his victim though ....
My offenders will never be accused
... they will never face justice
for stealing my life .....
and locking me into this prison without doors.

I’ve been in this mental prison for 53  years so far.
My life has been a torment .....
every other victim I speak to
has a similar story.....

Why are the victims so unimportant?

It just makes the abuse go on.

© Ian Croft March 2019

Herding sheep

[Those were the days...]

The stupid animals run this way and that
I swear that they're actually demons
... sent to torment me.....
They run every way but the way I want
to go .... and if I get too close they jump up
into the air... and land in some other way

I'm sure that they haven't a brain in their head
.... when brains were being given out,
the sheep were out in the paddock!

Not like goats!  Now there's a magnificent creature
You can almost have a conversation with a goat
They will listen to you.... and nod their head
in sage agreement..... and if I spend enough time
talking to my goats,  I can understand
what they say in reply.

And their kids are adorable creatures
.... full of curiosity.... they seek my company.
I lie down in the grass and the kids
climb over me.... what a delight.

1982 at Northcliffe

Ah.... but now I spend my time
herding leaves around my yard.
The days of herding animals are long gone
and the noisy blower is my sheep dog now.
I blow the leaves this way and that
and the little buggas jump in the air
... sneak round behind me! Fancy that

They're just like sheep... those blowing leaves
.... I wish they were like goats!
If leaves were goats, then I'd be content
to spend my days... just asking them
to move ... and they'd go where they are sent. 

© Ian Croft March 2019

How could I be so careless?

[about the loss of my parents]

Now where did I leave them?
I could have sworn that
they were right beside me...

I lost them so long ago....
It was very careless I know
But now they are gone
and no matter what I do
I just can't seem to find them.

They were right beside me for all my life
.... through thick and thin
.... all sorts of strife
Now there's two gaping chasms ....
There's a Dad sized hole ....
and a Mum sized hole.

Both the holes in my life
are sort of strange now .....
The pain has faded....
and I'm sort of jaded
that the things I want to say
... it just can't happen!

There's no celestial telephone ....
no cosmic face-time ....
No way that I can share with them
how much I appreciate
just what they did for me.

And so I keep looking
through the dusty corners of my memories
hoping that one day I'll find
those parents that I've lost somewhere

And if I do I'll tell them
how much I love them
.... that I never forget them
.... Thankyou

© Ian Croft March 2019

Twenty five years

(The nightmare of considering a possible negative outcome)

Twenty five years of work
Plumbing the depths of my past terror....
... of my old pain.... learning the why
.... learning the how
.... of how the past
has so painfully changed my future.

Twenty five years ago
the door began to open
into the room that would show
me just how to join the hidden person..... 

to the public person....
to make them into one.

It has been a long long road
with many tears.... and many falls 

into the depths of despair.
And that road has also taken me
over mountain peaks at times....
as I consider .....  "I'm still alive!"

And now.... as I near the point
where I can feel pride in my healing
.... the National Redress bastards
tell me... "Your damage was not that bad..."

They kick you in the teeth!
Their callous political utterance
.... less liability is what they seek.

But that smaller payment...
is not very nice....
for the victims
who have paid the price
in coin of nightmare
and coin of despair.

It's a final insult
to end a life of abuse.

© Ian Croft March 2019

Self image

The way we see our-self
can be such a joy....
We can paint a picture oh so fine
that it fills our heart with content.
The brush that my mind holds
can blur the wrinkles and the scars
and leave me looking like a star....

It's the mask that I put on each day
that helps me cope with demands
.... people pressing.... always stressing
I don't know how to live
without my daily mask

But then some little thing
will prick my bubble like a sting
and in that moment... in that flash of pain....
my beautiful image shatters....
and I'm left looking at the remains

The me that's inside
is now on plain display
I cringe.... "Don't look" I cry
How can you bear to see
a thing as ugly as me?

What can I do to change the view
of the thing that's inside of me
... it should be hidden from you.

Will you love me none the less?
.... help me cope with this awful mess
that's been left behind
by the lifetime grind
of hiding...  hiding.... always hiding

© Ian Croft March 2019

Burn

Those who want to live meaningfully and well
must help enrich the lives of others,
for the value of one life is measured
by how many lives it touches.

And those who choose to be happy
must help others find happiness,
for the welfare of each is bound up
with the welfare of all...

If you want to be happy
... make other people happy.
When your heart burns with love for others
the flame will never be put out.
For that love will spread like a bushfire
and leap from one heart to another.

A candle that gives of its own flame 

to ignite another flame loses nothing

So burn for me....

reach out to another heart
and touch it with love
..... burn for me!

© Ian Croft March 2019

Harvest time

[Good memories of driving trucks]

The golden grain flows into the header bin
gathered from the stalks by the huge jaws
From the header bin to the truck bin
the grain flows like water

The truck is now loaded and I begin the task
of guiding it across the paddock .....
and round the bush to the road.
Once on the road I can get out of first gear
and slowly work up to a safe speed
on the slow trek to the distant railway siding.

Not too fast!..... Watch that bump!....
... have to be careful not to damage the suspension.
When the truck is loaded to the max
every little thing on the road
becomes a potential danger.

Corner coming up.... gotta slow down
Do it early so the brakes don't overheat
Round the corner.... into town....
out to the silo... join the queue....
wait your turn at the weighbridge.

Down from the cab and bat the breeze...
See how the neighbors crop is going.
Gee it's hot! Wotcha doin this weekend?
Familiar faces fill the time .... perhaps a bite?
Then it's my turn to get the truck
onto the wobbling platform.

After weighing I move the truck onto the dumping grid.....
... down the grain floods in a tremendous rush.
Into the mouth of the conveyor machine .....
and then up onto the huge pile ....

... my load is no longer mine ....
It's just part of that ocean of grain
that is flowing from farm to the kitchen table!

These were happy times for me .....
Sharing the work on the farm.
Those days are long gone now ....
but the memories linger on.

© Ian Croft March 2019

Till I die

[To my lovers]

Till I die.... I will love you
but that's not saying much
cos I've not got long to go!

Till I die.... I will cherish you
and hold you in my heart

I wish I could hold
this moment too
Turn it in my hand and relive
the intense feeling
that you have given to me

I wish I could explain
how you make joy rain
to water the forest
that I explore

Till I die..... 

© Ian Croft March 2019