Twenty five years

(The nightmare of considering a possible negative outcome)

Twenty five years of work
Plumbing the depths of my past terror....
... of my old pain.... learning the why
.... learning the how
.... of how the past
has so painfully changed my future.

Twenty five years ago
the door began to open
into the room that would show
me just how to join the hidden person..... 

to the public person....
to make them into one.

It has been a long long road
with many tears.... and many falls 

into the depths of despair.
And that road has also taken me
over mountain peaks at times....
as I consider .....  "I'm still alive!"

And now.... as I near the point
where I can feel pride in my healing
.... the National Redress bastards
tell me... "Your damage was not that bad..."

They kick you in the teeth!
Their callous political utterance
.... less liability is what they seek.

But that smaller payment...
is not very nice....
for the victims
who have paid the price
in coin of nightmare
and coin of despair.

It's a final insult
to end a life of abuse.

© Ian Croft March 2019