Cruel friend

The past is a cruel friend
Each time I see a reminder of days long ago
I relive those moments....
I see the faces and I hear the voices
of family and friends that share that past.

But memories are a one way mirror...
I can see those people in my mind
but they can't see me
and they don't even know
that my thoughts are looking behind.

And as I relive those times in the past
my mind walks alongside me
and points out all my errors.
Why did you say that? Why didn't you say this?

Nothing in my past is safe
from the relentless inquisition
and I am ever bound to that excruciating rack
that tortures me me with "Why?"
Why did I do that?
What would today look like
if I had just.....

If I could turn off those memories, would I?
Without those memories, the past would lose its colour.... lose its taste.
Do I want a dull and lifeless past?

No..... for each memory which chastises me

there are ten memories that reward me
with the pleasure of a remembered voice
a feeling.... a sound....
Life has been so good

© Ian Croft January 2019